“Am I Being Abused?” Checklist
Purpose of this Checklist: This “Am I Being Abused?” checklist will help you determine if you are in an abusive relationship. It can be very confusing to figure out the answer to “Am I being abused?” because an abuser is an expert manipulater and he/she will keep your head spinning and confused. Use this “Am I Being Abused?” checklist to help give you clarity and figure out the answer. The list is long because an abuser uses many types of tactics to gain power and control over their victim – physical, emotional, psychological, spiritual, financial, sexual, digital/online/social media and others.
How to use this Checklist: You can download this checklist by clicking the button below. Once it opens you can click in the top right corner of the file and download it to your phone or computer. Simply go down the list and when you come to an abusive behavior that is happening to you in your relationship, simply put a checkmark in the box next to the number.
This checklist often uses the pronoun “he” as the abuser. However, abuse happens in relationships of all types across the gender spectrum, and this checklist can be used for all genders. Because the most common form of abuse occurs between a male abuser and female victim, we are using “he” for consistency.
Evaluation: If you checked off just one item in the checklist, consider it a red flag in your relationship. If you checked off more than one item, you are likely in an abusive relationship. No matter how hard you try to change yourself or get your abuser to change, your abuser is likely not going to stop abusing you…. and the abuse will probably get worse over time….and it will become harder and harder to leave.
What to do next: If your answer to “Am I being abused?” is “yes,” while we cannot tell you exactly what to do next, there are options. Help is available and you can get out. Here are two excellent resources to help you take the first steps, starting with getting help, gathering information for yourself, and learning about creating an escape plan:
1. DomesticShelters.org – This is a robust website full of informative articles on domestic violence. Do a word search to find articles that relate to your particular situation. This website also has a lengthy listing of women’s domestic violence shelters across the U.S. Look for ones in your geographic area. Calling a shelter for help does not mean you have to check into the shelter or that you must leave your abusive relationship. Trained domestic violence advocates answer the shelter phones and they will help you.
2. Call the National Domestic Abuse hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Trained domestic violence advocates answer hotline phone calls. They offer free help as well as assist in locating your nearest domestic violence shelter
IMPORTANT: Know that if you are in an abusive relationship, you did not cause it. You are not alone. You are worthy of an abuse-free life.
Feel free to make copies of this checklist or share the link to it with others who you feel may benefit from it.